The List..

Sometimes, I feel like I am running. I have so many places to be and so many things to do. And there never seems to be an end. There are always more things to be done than there are hours in the day.

Today was no exception. But then, I did manage to do more than half of the things I wanted to do. And that is an accomplishment, to me. And it feels good, too. There are more tick marks on my “Things To Do” list. You know, that list that always grows? And never shrinks?

This isn't new for me. Life has always been this way.

I remember being a very young mommy, with a small child. We had a neighbor living across the street from us. Her name was Joan. And every time I got home from the store, or other shopping, Joan would call and ask “what did you buy?”

It irritated me at first but, as I got to know Joan better, I realized that she was bored out of her mind and trying to live, vicariously, through me. She was up at dawn, brewed the coffee, made a hearty breakfast for her firefighter husband, packed his lunch, saw him off to work, and then cleaned her house until it was spotless.

And by ten o'clock in the morning, she was sitting in her chair, looking out the living room window. Watching the neighbors. She had done everything she needed to do for the day. There was nothing to do until her husband came home from work.

And so, she watched me. And everything I did.

It was a good lesson for me: I decided I never wanted to be that bored. And I don't think I ever have been. Bored, that is. Of course, my house wasn't immaculate, either. I had babies and they make messes. But then, so did I. More than once, my husband came home after work to find crafty things being 'manufactured' in our kitchen.

And now, I live alone. There is no one here to be upset because I have rearranged the furniture, or painted the living room—again. I painted my living room three times in two years before I got the color right. Nobody said a word about the money I spent on paint.

Tonight, I accomplished a lot: I made a list. No, I didn't do any of the things on the list. I just wrote them down. That's enough for one night. I've gotta pace myself. Tomorrow night, I will read the list, and then Saturday, I will read it again. Perhaps by Sunday I will be ready to actually do something.

I have to remember that I am making progress. I am doing what I can, and the rest just has to wait. There are changes coming in my life and I want to be ready. I want to have things clean and presentable. I want order out of the chaos, peace and serenity instead of a frantic pace.

Better write that on the list, too.