Got Cheese?

I went to one of those membership warehouse stores today. I needed groceries.

Every time I go there, I promise myself I won’t go there again. And then, six months later, I have forgotten, so I go again. They are really nice stores if you have, like, twenty children, or you own a restaurant, or you have a cold storage plant or a warehouse of your own. For me, as a single woman, it is an exercise in futility.

Actually, I started out with very good luck: I found a cart that wasn’t dirty and didn’t have square wheels. As I walked in the store, I had a smile on my face. Of course, the store is set up so you have to go past the food court, through the electronics department, past the patio furniture and beyond the pharmacy before you get to the food. I imagine everyone would be hungry by the time they got there.

I was. And then it started. That sinking feeling that always overcomes me when I am in there: do I really need any of this stuff? And more importantly, can I eat all of that before I am tired of it? I mean, how many cans of cut green beans does one need to keep on hand? Or chopped tomatoes? Or mayonnaise in a gallon jar?

I looked at the things I needed, like peanut butter. It comes in a pack, two jars to a pack. And so, I stood there and pondered: will I be able to eat that much peanut butter in my lifetime? And the answer was yes, I will. I am healthy and I plan to live a very long time. That is good because I am set for life, at least as far as peanut butter goes….

I decided to pass on the frozen lasagna. It looked really good but, I would be eating it for like, eleven nights in a row before it was gone……I don’t like it that much. I don’t think it is a bargain if I throw more than half of it away because I couldn’t eat that much, is it?

I did end up buying the package of 30 frozen hamburger patties. I wasn’t going to but, when I figured out that I could repackage them in smaller quantities, I decided that was okay. Have you ever tried to break apart a frozen stack of hamburger patties? It only took about half an hour.

And the cheese. I bought grated cheese and put that into smaller bags, too. About 10 bags, to be exact. That’s a lot of cheese. But it’s okay, I also bought cans of refried beans and enough tortillas to host Cinco de Mayo, so there’ll be a lot of burritos going on at my house. And tostadas, and enchiladas, and tacos, too.

The warehouse stores seem to have everything, which is quite convenient. You can shop while you get tires put on your car. You can order a pizza and pick it up on your way out. You can buy a birthday cake and flowers to go with it and a can of helium and balloons. You can buy a laptop, or an HDTV, or a patio set, or a pool, or a kayak.

One item I didn’t see? An Automated Electronic Defibrillator. They should have an AED at each check out. Paying for a cart-full of groceries at a warehouse store is not for the faint of heart. Of course, when the clerk told me “that will be $211.87” I would probably have been the only one in the store who knew how to use the AED and I was the one who needed it.

Yes, I am now a member of the coveted Two Hundred Dollar Club. And I have the freezer full of cheese and hamburger patties to prove it. Now all I have to do is clean the pantry and try to find room for all the other stuff I bought.

Why don’t you come over for dinner? And bring about 50 of your friends!