My Vessel....

My back hurts tonight. It's been a long, busy day and I'm tired. When I woke up this morning, I was in a bit of a funk: so many things going on right now, and I don't know how any of them will turn out.

I never imagined that I would near the end my career because of a disability. And I still don't know if that's the case. I just know that my back hurts every day. And every night, too. Not enough to take super-duper pain killers, but enough to make me tired. A kind of bone-weary tired.

Everything I think about feels heavy. Solutions seem to evade me. The truth is, it's not my decision to make. I can only sit back and let things play out the way they're meant to be. I don't have the power; others do. I have to acquiesce to them. And it's hard.

I'm not used to being in such a dither. I always knew where I was going and what I intended to do when I got there. That is, until this past summer. The physical stresses of my job caused a back injury. And now my future is a question mark of sorts...

I know that I will be fine, no matter what happens. I know that I have the strength to carry on and the will to thrive, not just survive. I always have and I always will. Just is....

And this morning, when I woke up, there was a song in my head. I was amazed that I remembered the words:

I will sail my vessel
Till the river runs dry.
Like a bird upon the wind,
These waters are my sky.

I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
Till the river runs dry.

Now, at the end of my day, I am listening to Garth Brooks sing the song. I am feeling better now. I have accomplished a lot today and that feels good. I truly am getting stronger. Doing my exercises, walking, dancing. Living. Not waiting for something to happen to me....

I have a lot of my life left. I have things that I haven't done yet. There are places to see. Books to read. Pictures to paint. Love to share. Life to experience....

Choose to chance the rapids,
And dare to dance the tide....

That's my plan!