The Crowning Glory....

Sometimes, it's hard to be brave. Even bravado escapes me.

I think back on some of the first “life and death” situations I was thrown into as a nurse. An understanding, kindly Nursing Supervisor took me aside after my first “code” and made me talk about it. I was feeling shaky, and unsure of my actions. She showed me that, regardless of the outcome, I did the right things.

And for the record, the patient made it. I have been in countless code situations since then, but I don't think I will ever forget the first one. It was the hardest one. And many, or most, of them have been quite hard.

But that's not my point. The point is that sometimes we have to fake it until we make it. And nursing is no exception. Not that I would do something wrong, or without knowing the right thing to do, but just that I would “fake” being comfortable with what I was doing.

No patient wants to hear that the nurse hasn't done what she is doing before...

And that is true in so many places in life. Knowing that I haven't done it before doesn't make it any easier. But, again, it doesn't happen that often, after thirty-three years as a registered nurse. I find that I rarely run into a situation that I haven't dealt with before. And that is comforting.

Being in my comfort zone is always reassuring. But it is also limiting. I can't learn by doing the same things over and over again. And so, I have to stretch, and learn new things, and grow as a person and as a nurse.

Fortunately, that's not hard. I truly think there is a conspiracy out there. As soon as I learn a new IV pump, or feeding pump, or the latest nuances of our computer software, it gets changed. Or the drugs. Practically none of the drugs I learned as a nursing student are still in use. Or, if still in use, they are no longer the drug of choice in most cases.

The same is true in my personal life. Things stay the same just long enough for me to get complacent, and then BAM! Something changes. Something breaks, or needs adjustment, or has to be replaced. And I am off to the races again, trying to figure out what to do, and/or how to do it.

But then, things are never boring that way. There is no need to take things for granted, or wonder what will happen, either. Just wake up in the morning, do the best I can do, try to learn from it, and then put it behind me. And the funny thing is, I keep stacking up successes. Things that shouldn't turn out, do. Things that seemed difficult were, but still were done.

And sometimes, things that seemed like they should have mattered, didn't.

At the end of the day, I have the pleasure of recalling my days positively. Not just the things that happened, and how I handled them, but the negative things, too. Sometimes, knowing that I was able to turn a negative around is sufficient reward for having to deal with it. Finding that being brave made something more palatable, or doable, truly becomes the crowning glory of my day.

Kind of like a glorious sunset....