Tomorrow is my day off. So today, I have been thinking about what I will do. I have errands to run and chores to do. Things that can’t be put off because I have to work all weekend. And so, today I am planning tomorrow.
And it seems I have been living in my past a lot lately, too. Thinking about people and things that happened “back when”…and missing things that are now gone. In itself, that is not unhealthy; it is good to be able to remember and appreciate what was, and is no more.
What is bothering me is that, despite my “to do” list, I will wake up tomorrow morning and think about yesterday, or tomorrow. Tomorrow, today will be yesterday, and tomorrow will become today. And I will still be in my rut: thinking about either the past or the future.
Normally, tomorrow morning, I would walk in here and turn on my laptop, looking for messages from friends and family, exploring the websites that interest me, and reading. Reading about what is happening in the world. Reading about what others are doing, or thinking. Reading. A passive activity.
And then, tomorrow night, I will begrudge myself the time spent on the internet, and the chores and errands that didn’t get done. And another “today” will be wasted.
About the only time I live in the moment is when I am at the coast. The sights, sounds and smells are larger than life, and they have the power to keep me centered, right where I am. Thoughts of all my yesterdays flood my memories, but they don’t keep me from enjoying the moment.
Dreams of my tomorrows also visit me when I walk on the beach, but again, they don’t crowd out my enjoyment of the here and now. Memories and dreams enhance the experience of the moment, but they don’t rule it. Enhance, augment, and comfort, but not usurp. I truly can live in the moment. At least, for a time.
In the endless tasks and chores and errands that comprise my daily life, today often gets forgotten, or left behind. Maybe I am a daydreamer, or maybe I am a procrastinator, or maybe I am just blind. Not always, mind you, but often enough that it causes me to think about it. Blind to today. Blind to the here and now. Not seeing, not hearing, and not feeling that which is happening right now.
Have I traded all my todays for memories of yesterdays? And hopes of bright tomorrows? Can I not just live in the moment and relish every bit of today? After all, it is a gift….that’s why they call it the Present.
And maybe, this is as good as it gets.
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