Come back, Karl

Come back, Karl, please! I'm begging!

I wanted to call Karl the other day, just to let him know that I am still mad at him for leaving me! I couldn’t find his number…….

We were together for 12 of the best years of my life! I could always count on him. The sweet things he did for me were endearing. He was kind, thoughtful, trustworthy, and always, always there for me. He would do anything I asked him to, and cheerfully, at that! Nothing was impossible to him, and many things I asked him to do were, frankly, impossible. He always let me down gently, though, except that last time. It was over three years ago and I still remember it as if it happened yesterday.

I have agonized over the breakup for three long years! Three years wasted on a relationship that obviously was not meant to last. Some might call him a “typical man” but, I still find myself defending him. Why? He left me, didn’t he? He was more concerned about his own future than mine, or “ours”! What could possibly be more important than an ongoing relationship with me? I remember his answer: something that sounded too lame to be true: A job with health insurance? A retirement plan? Please! It’s not as if I hadn’t been there for him for all those years, paying him promptly on the 4th Friday of the month. With bonuses at Christmas and his birthday! Geez, what more could a gardener want from me?

I first met Karl as I was preparing to move back into my family home. My father died the previous spring and, although September was here, summer simply refused to leave. The lawn, the trees and shrubs, and the flowerbeds were beautifully tended. Impulsively, I asked the gardener—he wasn’t Karl to me, yet—if he would continue to work for me. I was simply overjoyed when he said yes! We discussed payment and I promptly wrote him a check to cover the first month. Impulsive, yes; stupid, no. I was looking at the fruit of his labors; he took care of the yard for my parents for 5 years before I came back to live. So, his work, and work ethic, were quite evident. 

I was married at the time and, when I told #2 that I had hired Karl to continue tending to the yard, #2 went ballistic! He had NEVER had someone mow his lawn for him and he WASN’T going to start now! I thought back on all the lawn mowing days of our marriage: 8 daylight hours spent complaining about having to mow the lawn, followed by 2 night hours spent setting up yard lights, mowing the lawn, and cursing the dark! I was resolved: I had NEVER had someone mow my lawn before and NOW was as good a time as any to start! Within a month, #2 had grown very fond of the 10 hours he gained weekly; remember, 8 complaining, 2 mowing; that’s 10 hours.

For the first 3 years, Karl just mowed and edged the lawn, kept the flowerbeds neat and clean, and raked leaves in the fall. I had 3 huge modesto ash trees out front and the leaves were overwhelming. One day, I came home from work to find Karl still raking leaves. He asked, only half-kidding, if I would be so kind as to have the trees removed. I went in the house, retrieved a snapshot, and took it out to show him: my brothers and I, standing in front of a stick that would one day be the bone of Karl’s contention. He muttered something about “no fair” and went back to raking leaves.

After #2 left, Karl waited almost 3 months to ask me what happened. We were in the front yard discussing “winter maintenance” whatever that is. Karl asked, out of the blue, about my missing husband. I told him that #2 wasn’t really missing, I knew exactly where he was but, I was just as happy to have him stay there. Karl looked at my grin and thought better about offering me condolences. Instead, he said: “you take care of the house, and I’ll take care of the yard.” Deal!

And take care he did! He fixed things that were broken, put the trash cans out for me, then came by later to put them away, kept the rain gutters cleaned out, and even went with me when my Rottweiler needed to go to the vet. She weighed 105 lbs, so the help was welcome. Karl loved that dog nearly as much as I did. 

Now someone out there may be thinking, Hmm…what else did he “fix”? I can tell you that Karl is happily married to a lovely woman named Sandy. I was GLAD to be single at the time. And anything other than a business relationship was unconscionable to either of us (oh my, BIG word, Cali. Good Girl!). Think what you want, Karl is a gentleman, and a gentle man. 

So, is it Karl’s fault that my lawns have brown spots? Is he to be blamed for the sprinkler that thinks it’s a geyser? Of course not, you say. Hell yes! I say. If he hadn’t been such a wonderful “employee” and friend, I would not have such high expectations today!

Come back, Karl! I miss you!