I Don't Have To, If I Don't Want To!

I’m tired of doing what I am supposed to do. It’s spring, the sun is shining and I want to play. The lilac bushes are blooming in my yard. They were planted a very long time ago by my mother. I went outside and picked a bouquet for my table. I was supposed to be doing the laundry.

I seem to be drowning in responsibility these days. Things in my life fall into three general categories: the “have-to’s” the “should’s “ and the “want to’s.” Funny thing, the “have-to’s” always have the upper hand, the “want-to’s” get short-changed and I just seem to ignore the “shoulds”.

You see, it’s all about consequences. It is the “have-to’s” that have the negative consequences. You know what I mean: I have to pay my taxes, I have to pay the rent, I have to go to work, and I have to feed my dogs. Why? I don’t want to deal with the consequences if I don’t do those things.

Now the “shoulds”? Different story. Do you know the difference between a “have-to” and a “should”? About three days……For instance, I “should” get my income taxes done. Oh well. Maybe later. And later occurs on April 11th. Then paying my income taxes magically moves from being a “should” to being a “have-to”……

I love that saying: “If it weren’t for the last minute, I’d never get anything done”! That is the story of my life! I know I “should” be more organized and motivated but, I don’t “have-to” if I don’t “want to.” And that is the category that seems to get left behind: the “want-to’s”. I never seem to get there.

I seem to spend my whole day in the “have-to” category. I have to get up, I have to go to work, I have to do my job, and I have to do my charting in a timely fashion. I think that phrase is stupid: “timely fashion.” What is so fashionable about being timely? And what is so timely about fashion? And who decides what is “timely” anyway? Doesn’t matter: it still has to be done.

And the “shoulds”? I think I will erase that category. After all, the “shoulds” will become “have-to’s” so I can ignore them until then, right? And what about the “want-to’s”? Maybe I need to rethink that whole category.

This is where I take my cue from a friend of mine: his name is Mckay and he is six years old. Two weeks ago, he spent all his waking hours bouncing a basketball. You couldn’t pry it out of his hands. Yesterday, I watched him play baseball. And now, he has a glove on one hand and a ball in the other. He knows what he wants to do and he does it. Maybe he will grow out of it; I hope not.

Three years ago, at the ripe old age of three, he got his neon green goggles. He wore them for two days, non-stop. He wouldn’t take them off for anybody. If you asked him why, the answer was simple: “I don’t want to.” He didn’t take them off until he wanted to……

So, maybe I just need to rethink my categories. Maybe the “want-to’s” really belong in the “have-to” category. I already got rid of the “should” category….all I ever got from that was guilt. Of course, now the “have-to” category will be quite crowded but, after all, aren’t there consequences if I don’t do the things I want to do, too?

So, I have finished the laundry. I will relax and enjoy myself for the rest of the day. Why? Because I “have to” relax. And tomorrow morning, I “have to” get up when the alarm goes off, get ready for work, go to work, do my job and complete all my charting. I will do it with a smile on my face, as if I want to do it. I will be successful in accomplishing all those things I have to do. But, before my work day starts?

I will eat jelly beans for breakfast!